Today, I realize, I am mortal.
I am not immune to the effects of stress.
My Sport science degree, my nursing license, my knowledge, my research- these do not shield me from the ravages of time, from the primacy of my genes, from the inescapable fact that I have failed to take care of myself.
I have yet to visit my doctor again but already, I see the all-too familiar picture of a building metabolic syndrome in my test results.
High Fasting Blood Sugar
Low Blood Urea Nitrogen
High Uric Acid
High Triglycerides
Low HDL
High Glycosylated Hemoblogin
Thickend mitral valve leaflets
Pseduonormal inflow pattern with abnormal mitral annular velocity consistent with Grade 2 ventricular metabolic dysfunction
Cholelithiasis
It's like a slap in the face.
One particularly exhausting day, I randomly checked my blood pressure and got the shock of my life- 160/100 while inside an airconditioned room. I could not believe it. I checked it a few more times and I knew it was a true reading. At the Cardiologist's, his reading was even more shocking- 170/100.
How could this be? But at the back of my mind, I know 2 months of low physical activity, hours of stress-eating on the worst things on my crave-list, the daily stress of city life and the reality of hands-on motherhood magnified by the infernal heat. On top of this, family history of Hypertension, Heart Disease, Cholelithiasis.
I felt true fear.
I had a mass in my thyroid during my pregnancy that elevated by heart rate and my blood pressure. I also had Gestational Diabetes Mellitus. And it felt like it was all coming back to haunt me 4 years after.
I felt shame.
I've been teaching the importance of a healthy lifestyle to my students, I am part of a global movement of future leaders in our field whose sole existence is anchored on the fight against the spread of the debilitating disease of physical inactivity and unhealthy food choices. My current state of health is anti-thesis to everything I represent and espouse to be.
I feel overwhelmed.
I am writing this to purge myself of these thoughts. I do not want to wallow in these negative thoughts. I know everything that needs to be done. I have everything I need to do what needs to be done. I am steeling myself for a life-changing step that I know will define my days from hereon. I have been complacent, I have fallen into the grind of daily toil, of fulfilling obligations for "matters of consequence", as the' Little Prince' puts it (Exupery, 1943).
And so, I am starting this journal to chronicle my journey, My baby steps to overcome inertia. My self-experiment to test all the theories and principles I put forth to my students, my personal quest to reclaim my health and find congruence in my existence.
Day 0
